I have been Vegan for years and for the first time since the day I made the choice to leave cruelty off my life, I am terrified.

I am terrified because, in a few months, I will be leaving everything that has been part of my life for the last (nearly) 18 years and it feels like dying. I have been living in Los Angeles for about 17 years (with a small time out of state in both North Carolina and New Mexico) and have gotten used to the easy vegan living. Los Angeles is truly a vegan paradise.

It is also a paradise to make vegan friends. I have never realized how I took everything I have here for granted. I can’t imagine moving to a place with no vegan restaurants, no vegan friends, no vegan anything. I will be leaving behind, my friends, my life, a lover… And that is in fact like dying.

I write this for all my vegan friends because they are the only ones who can understand how I feel, particularly if you have been isolated as a vegan or in an impossible relationship.

I am usually rather optimistic in everything I write but I find myself really at the edge of a endless precipice in which I lose every bit of myself as I fall down towards my fate.

In the last few years, I met the best people in my life, the best activists, the best most caring human beings to love and cherish.

Many years ago (before being vegan), I also lost the love of my life. Nothing can be more painful than to lose a soul mate, someone who is literally half of you and finding yourself half dead. (I often think of the Nexus of Star Trek: Generations to explain how it feels to have a soul mate – if you saw the movie, then you understand). I compensated the loss by discovering what happens to animals and with the love of my friends and found my calling in helping animals to the best of my abilities. That has given me a reason to continue to live.

Now, it seems that I am losing that as well. I call it my second death. I don’t want to sound like I am complaining but grieving. If you have a vegan family of friends, cherish them. If you love someone, do the best you can to give as much as you can. You know the saying: it is better to have loved and lost than….

Fortunately, there is the web. Facebook, for instance, has brought me more friends than I hoped of wished in the vegan community. That is a true blessing. I will always cherish everyone I have known either on or offline (or both) and will not be silent for the animals ever. But I will go through a period of grieving and may not find my voice again for a while once the move is over to what feels like a strange land (ironic that I see my own country as foreign).

Please, please, take care of each others. We vegans are true warriors of peace and compassion. I mean that in the most sincere way. We only have each others, we only have our shared strength. If we lose that, what do we have? The animals need us but we also need to love each other.

Today, I choose to keep going, because my voice (and yours) is needed, not because I am strong, but because it is necessary and because this is the only way I know to get past the grieving.

And don’t forget, wherever I may end up, I love you all, truly. You are my family.


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  1. Lisa H. Vegan says:

    Veronique, I’ve found there are vegans everywhere. I hope you find some, and then you can get together and lobby for at least vegan choices in restaurants. I live in a very vegan friendly place and know I am fortunate, but I still mourn losses. More veg*n restaurants have closed than are now open in my area, etc. I see other cities such as L.A., NYC, Chicago, and Portland, as even vegan friendlier than mine. But I know I’m lucky for now. Take care. Make use of all the resources you have. Lisa

  2. Ahmed Lazrak (ben lent) says:

    very nice. I will visit very often for ideas and some inspiration.

  3. Quincy says:

    Are you going back to France ? Why ? Not so easy to be vegan there but it is getting easier . There is a Vegan Meetup group in Paris . You will miss your friends but you will make a cozy vegan nest and widen the vegan circle wherever you land .

  4. julie blackwood says:

    Thank you for share. x I too am moving. Lone vegan I am mostly, and like you, complicated circumstances. It seems glib to say we must remain positive, but we must ! God bless. x

  5. You’ll have a least one friend in France, even if I’m not vegan. I do hope we will be able to see each other from time to time, even if you don’t stay near Paris like I do.
    The family here never forgot you either. Everyone of us left will be glad to see you again.
    No, being vegan in France is not easy – but it’s feasible, there are shops and such, and some good internet stores.

  6. sandra bell says:

    When a door closes, a window opens. You have been a very active voice for compassion here and very valued. It seems 2014 is setting you in a new direction on your path. I have no doubt that you will be a blessing, and be blessed, wherever you settle. Often, it’s the strong who end up in the places of greatest need. Being a lone leader is difficult, but you won’t be alone for long. Other open-hearted people will find you. And, thanks to the internet, you will never be far away from your vegan family here in L A. Go in peace and good cheer. It’s another chapter — a new adventure. Namaste.

  7. Barbara Olson says:

    I have not been to France, but surely hope there must be animal lovers there…find them and let us know.

  8. Fireweed says:

    Wishing you all the best on new adventures yet to come, Veronique! May you find strength and courage in the solidarity of your vegan feminist sisters who are so glad you are out there – wherever life’s meanderings may guide you! Much love, Fireweed

  9. Shawn Dworkin says:

    Very cool Blog, just read it from your post on Vegan as Fuck on Facebook. I feel for you, but you’re not alone as you said. We are all in this together. Miles may separate us but words keep us together. I have become very pessimistic lately due to not only issues in animal cruelty but in the state of the world as a whole. However I know that the only thing to do now is to push on because literally, there is nothing else we can.. do. But having others who are fighters too helps a lot. Stay strong, stay vigilant and always speak your mind.

    • veronique2 says:

      Shawn, Ty so much for being a vegan brother wherever you are. We really haze literally nothing more to loose but continue with what we do. Spread the message!

  10. Yasmine Na says:

    Hello 🙂
    Where are you going in France? I have vegan family there! And I heard there are 2 vegan restaurants in Paris, but there needs to be more – who knows maybe you will open something successful there! It’s such an animal-dependant country, it needs to change! SO be the change you want to see 😀

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