I have been Vegan for years and for the first time since the day I made the choice to leave cruelty off my life, I am terrified.
I am terrified because, in a few months, I will be leaving everything that has been part of my life for the last (nearly) 18 years and it feels like dying. I have been living in Los Angeles for about 17 years (with a small time out of state in both North Carolina and New Mexico) and have gotten used to the easy vegan living. Los Angeles is truly a vegan paradise.
It is also a paradise to make vegan friends. I have never realized how I took everything I have here for granted. I can’t imagine moving to a place with no vegan restaurants, no vegan friends, no vegan anything. I will be leaving behind, my friends, my life, a lover… And that is in fact like dying.
I write this for all my vegan friends because they are the only ones who can understand how I feel, particularly if you have been isolated as a vegan or in an impossible relationship.
I am usually rather optimistic in everything I write but I find myself really at the edge of a endless precipice in which I lose every bit of myself as I fall down towards my fate.
In the last few years, I met the best people in my life, the best activists, the best most caring human beings to love and cherish.
Many years ago (before being vegan), I also lost the love of my life. Nothing can be more painful than to lose a soul mate, someone who is literally half of you and finding yourself half dead. (I often think of the Nexus of Star Trek: Generations to explain how it feels to have a soul mate – if you saw the movie, then you understand). I compensated the loss by discovering what happens to animals and with the love of my friends and found my calling in helping animals to the best of my abilities. That has given me a reason to continue to live.
Now, it seems that I am losing that as well. I call it my second death. I don’t want to sound like I am complaining but grieving. If you have a vegan family of friends, cherish them. If you love someone, do the best you can to give as much as you can. You know the saying: it is better to have loved and lost than….
Fortunately, there is the web. Facebook, for instance, has brought me more friends than I hoped of wished in the vegan community. That is a true blessing. I will always cherish everyone I have known either on or offline (or both) and will not be silent for the animals ever. But I will go through a period of grieving and may not find my voice again for a while once the move is over to what feels like a strange land (ironic that I see my own country as foreign).
Please, please, take care of each others. We vegans are true warriors of peace and compassion. I mean that in the most sincere way. We only have each others, we only have our shared strength. If we lose that, what do we have? The animals need us but we also need to love each other.
Today, I choose to keep going, because my voice (and yours) is needed, not because I am strong, but because it is necessary and because this is the only way I know to get past the grieving.
And don’t forget, wherever I may end up, I love you all, truly. You are my family.
Photo courtesy of Pixabay.com
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